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DON'T |
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¬ Do talk to the abuser if you fell safe doing so |
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¬ Don't condone the abuse. |
| Talk about your concerns and refuse to accept any excuses. Be clear that you are till a friend, but you disapprove of the behavior. |
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Abuse is never okay. Not because of a bad day, because someone was drunk, and not because someone was really angry. |
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¬ Be there listen and stay there. |
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¬ Don't get stuck in the middle. |
| You may feel like a broken record but you'll be surprised at how much of what you are saying is getting through. |
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Don't be a mediator or offer to be a "go between" for the couple. You are there to help him/her bring about change in an abusive behavior. |
| ¬ Do recognize and praise the good behaviors. |
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¬ Don't cut off your friend. |
| ¬ Do encourage them to be honest. |
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Reject the behavior, not the person. Be very clear about this. Explain that their abusive actions are bad, not that they are a bad person. Choose your words carefully. |
| Show your support when they are |
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| ¬ Do help them clarify their feelings. |
Explain that possessiveness and jealousy are not love. |
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| ¬ Don't encourage abuse. |
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Laughing at degrading jokes or put-downs signals acceptance of the behavior |
| ¬ Do understand that abuse is a CHOICE. |
| Help your friend understand this. Abuse is a learned behavior. |
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| ¬ Do encourage them to talk to a counselor. |
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| Go with them if that's what it will take. |
